Friday, May 20, 2011

A Future of the Past


Many precede and many will follow
A young girl's dream no longer hollow
It takes the shape of a place out west
But what it holds for her, she hasn't yet guessed

So I’m sitting here in my new 2-bedroom apartment, 754 miles away from my family and friends on the east coast.  Tomorrow was supposed to be my official moving day but when does life ever turn out like we expect it to?  I sit here the happiest girl in the world to finally be with the one who means the world to me, yet at the same time, missing all the wonderful people I had to leave behind to get here.  Life is so bittersweet.  I sit here reminded of the love that travels with me wherever I go as I sit surrounded by totes and boxes full of memories and board games and birthday cards from the past 21 years of my life.  I feel like I’m living the country song “Starts with Goodbye” by Carrie Underwood.

I graduated magna cum laude with a double bachelor’s degree just six days ago and here I am in “The Real World” a place of mystery, wonder, cocktail parties and canned spaghettios.  A place where every 15-year-old aspires to be, and every 20-year-old dreads being thrown into.  An expression comes to mind: that if the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it’s probably because they’re putting fertilizer on it.  I have to agree.
                       
So I hear the world is supposed to end tomorrow, May 21st, 2011.  I don’t know if I buy that but I will say this: if it does, I’ll be ready.  I have devoted the past 17 years of my life to my education; I have traveled on three continents and in 8 countries.  I have completed a marathon and tried sushi.  I have been both weak and strong, and vulnerable.  I have needed a shoulder to cry on and been a shoulder for others, too.  I have sung in talent shows, at football games and in the shower.  I have appreciated the scenic view of autumn in Vermont and the feel of a baby’s hand wrapped around my finger.  I have loved someone so completely, with every fiber of my being, only to have my heart fragmented into millions of microscopic pieces. I have gathered those pieces and loved again.

In life we are only given one shot.  We make bucket lists and set goals and at the end of the day, we find always that 24 hours are not enough.  There is always something we could have done differently: more, faster, better.  My life is far from over, and my list far from complete.  With a diploma in hand and a move halfway across the country, my dreams and aspirations have only just begun.  So though I’m sad to have said goodbye to many great people to pursue my future, I do so knowingly that I would not be the same person I am today without all of you.  You have each changed my life in such profound ways, eluding words and beyond the value of a primitive “thanks”.  There simply are no words, but know that I am eternally grateful for all of your love and support.  As I begin a new chapter in my life, I do not forget nor take for granted all of the borrowed clothes, the late night talks, the Christmases and study halls that we shared.  You’ve made me strong and proud.  You’ve made me independent, resourceful, and most of all, ready.  Because of you, I am now ready to explore the world and try out my wings.  Just watch me soar!

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk, take a chance
Make a change, and breakaway.
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance
Make a change, and breakaway.